a number

It is the beginning of a new month and we got new numbers for the adoption.  We are currently 5 on the boy list and 12 on the girl list.  It is exciting to have the numbers change but it really doesn't provide a great deal of definition.

Numbers usually provide concrete understanding of the value of something.  They give clarity.  They are exact.  So as our wait list number gets smaller, people expect us to have a better understanding of our timeline.  It is a natural assumption based on how our society interacts with numbers but a smaller number still gives us no idea of how long we will be waiting.

The adoption is moving on God's timeline.  We have wants and dreams for it but ultimately we are not in control.  We are on God's timeline, so numbers are not that meaningful.  I don't really understand what God is up to in the process. I don't understand why we have been waiting for a referral for 19 months and it was suppose to be 6-9 months when we started.  I don't understand why it appears that adoption will not be completed this summer, my definition of the perfect time.  I don't really understand...

The one thing I do understand is that God is trustworthy.  He has never made a mistake in my life before.  His timing has always been perfect before.  Waiting in the past has always been worth it.  He is able to see so much more than I am able.  So I am able to trust that God is in the middle of orchestrating a mighty miracle.  God is preparing everyone for the adoption.  God has a plan for the child.  God has a plan for us.  God is working on amiracle.

The numbers are nice to get once a month but it is even better to know that I don't have to trust in the numbers.  The wait list numbers really are meaningless.  We are grateful that we can trust in God, who is more than able.

"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows."  James 1:17

two sides of a story

So often in life we are only able to see one side of a story.  It is generally the side we are experiencing or the one the people closest to us are walking through.  Lately I have been reminded that there are always two sides of a story.

When it comes to the adoption, you hear our side of the story.  It is the one we know, so we can share our experience.  Right now, I feel that it is important to remember that there is another side of this adoption story. 

There is a family in Ethiopia that is facing incredibly challenging situations.  I can only guess what they are experiencing as they are contemplating adoption.  It means this child will leave their homeland, their culture, their language, and their family…is it worth the cost?  Do the benefits out way our cost?  These are hard questions.   

There is no way for us to understand how God is moving in Ethiopia to arrange the adoption.  One thing I know is that God has placed a burden on my heart to pray for the birth family.  I want so badly for them to understand the love of Christ and experience His Peace in the midst of the circumstances.  I probably won’t ever understand what it feels like to have their side of this adoption story…but I know God intimately wants to pour out His love on them in the midst of these circumstances. 

I know this blog is not about the warm fuzzy feelings we like to have about adoption.  I have been reminded that God can use challenging situations and make beauty out of ashes.  That is the true beauty of adoption; whether it is our adoption by God to be His sons or daughters … or this adoption story.

I ask you to pray for both sides of our adoption story.  The side in Ethiopia does not have a public voice, but they have needs that only the living God can meet.

numbers

While we have been on the wait list you have to find things to celebrate.  Lets be honest, waiting is not very fun.  Who likes to wait in line at the grocery store? 

So I create small goals to celebrate.  I always have been excited anytime the number in the tens column goes down by one.  When we were 85, I looked forward to being in the 70s.  For a long time we have been in the teens and we have been looking forward to having a number that is a single digit.

It happened. 

This month we found out that we are 8 on the boy list and 16 on the girl list.  We still have no idea how long we will continue to wait for a referral (to answer the first question most people have).  For now, we are celebrating being in the single digits and trusting that God has a plan. 

perspective change

Over the past two months waiting on the adoption has been getting harder.  Currently we are 11 on the boys wait list and 18 on the girls wait list, we have not seen much movement in the past several of months.  I intellectually understand that there are a lot of reasons it feels harder but it does not make it easier.  Some of it has to do with my hopes that it would be finalized over the summer, and now that is looking more like a hail mary pass than a potential reality. It is also hard when you realize that your current situation is so different than the expectations we had when we began. We started with the expected wait time for a referral to be 6-9 months, currently we are on our 17th month waiting.  There have been a lot of changes in Ethiopia since we started, so I understand why it is slower but it can still be hard.

A couple of weeks ago, I decided I need to have a different understanding of time.  My perspective of time revolves around my human understanding and experience.  God operates on an eternal understandings of time.  The bible says, "With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day."  God has a different perspective and I want to understand His better.

I really do believe God is in control.  I know that He cares about our emotions through this process.  I also believe that He has a different perspective.  He is working out a lot more details in this process than I will ever understand.  I don't know what He is doing in Ethiopia to prepare the adoption.  I don't know what God is doing in Ruston with Leland's career or with Chi Alpha to help prepare our transition.  I don't know what God is doing inside of us, to prepare us to be parents.  God's plans are much larger than mine...so I am sure He is working all the circumstances to His plans.

creating space

Not much has changed with the adoption in the past couple of months, we are still waiting on the list. Leland keeps telling me we are getting close but it still feels like a distant future.

Lately, Leland and I have been cleaning out the house. One of our bedrooms, we call the room of boxes. It has been full of different boxes since we moved to Louisiana three and a half years ago. We have always know that the room of boxes will eventually become a baby room.

The past six months Leland has been working on moving things into his office/train room. On January 2nd, we decided to attack the problem together. I knew that we could not remove the things from the room of boxes without getting rid of things in other parts of the house. So I attacked the guest bedroom closet.

While I was working in the guest bedroom I had an interesting thought I wanted to share. I was thinking about how we are working to prepare a space for a child we have never met. We don't know their name, gender, or even their age when they will come to the states. But we are very willing and excited to create space in our house for them. It will be their home.

Then I started to think about Jesus when he said, "Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. My Father's house has plenty of room; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going." John 14:1-4

Jesus left Earth, preparing a place for us at His Father's house and will come back for us. I have thought about this before but as I am cleaning out my own house I could not help thinking about it again. I could not help but think about how Jesus is making a perfect place for us with Him. I don't know what it looks like but I can only imagine. He is making preparations for us in our new forever home.

As Leland and I are preparing for our child to be a part of our family, I could not help but feel I was getting a glimpse of God's heart in the process.

while we wait

When we first transitioned to the wait list, our case manage encouraged us to stay busy while we wait. It is good advice because waiting can be hard. It seems like all you do is wait. You honestly don't have a clear understanding of when the waiting is going to come to an end.

My emotions and thoughts during this process have such a huge extreme. Sometimes I feel like we are never going to get off the wait list and the adoption process does not feel very real. Sometimes I think it is going to come to an end quickly. Currently, I can't imagine all the changes in our lives.

I generally embrace the life in the present and trust that God has the ability to prepare me for the future. I really believe that if I do what God has asked me to do, He can order the future. I am not going to change my approach to life but sometimes I wonder how we are going to do it.

What will our life look like as a family?
How do we continue to do what God has for us at Louisiana Tech and be a family?
How will we keep the house cleaned, the laundry done and everyone feed?
What does God have for us?

I don't have the answers to the questions but I trust God through the process. I also think they are normal questions for people to ask.

Here is a picture of how we have been doing while "keeping busy". It is the group picture from the Chi Alpha Fall Breakaway...we have amazing students at Tech.

FBI clearance again?

This upcoming month is going to be pretty busy for us with the adoption. We are needing to update our home study. The length a home study stays valid depends on your state of residence. Louisiana is only valid for one year, so we are back getting documentation, letters of references, and the FBI clearance again. If you wrote a reference for us the first time, watch out...you will probably be getting a phone call soon. I am hoping that some of them go smoother the second time around, since I am pretty busy with Chi Alpha.

We also got some new numbers on the wait list. We are 34 on the girl's list and 23 on the boy's list...so we are moving up that and working our way through paperwork. I now have gained another appreciation of moving up the list, less paperwork has to get re done.