walking lessons

About two weeks ago, Joshua started trying to take steps.  He took two steps towards me twice and then did not do anything for another week and a half.  I was not surprised, sometimes he discovers something he can do and then does not try it again for a long time.  At 6 months he pulled himself up to a stand 3 times, and then did not do it again for 2 weeks.  He always gets back to discovering things when he is ready.

On Tuesday, he started taking 2 steps and then body slamming me when I was on the floor.  It was very exciting and at times painful. The next day he started taking 2-4 steps and the following day 4-8 steps. He definitely has a long way to go before walking is his primary mode of transportation but the learning has begun. I am sure it won't take that long to get there.

While I have watched this process this week I have had a lot of different thoughts. When he attempts to walk, whether it is a success or a failure, I clap and cheer for him (which might be why his favorite thing is to walk to my legs and scream in excitement). As the cheering throughout the day has increased, I wonder if it is ever going to get old watching him learn how to do new things.  There are so many more things to learn throughout his life.

I decided I want to always be excited by his learning process and celebrate attempts even if they result in failures as well as successes.  I want to not get sick of celebrating new things.  I want to be excited when he learns how to drive a car.

Then I wondered if God is always excited by us trying new things. I wonder if it never gets old to celebrate with us. I wondered if my Father stands around clapping when I take a risk and try something new. I wonder if He is proud that I am trying and is okay that I fall. I wonder if while I am learning new things if He wants me to walk to His feet,  scream in delight and get picked up...especially when I fall.

Joshua is learning to walk...I am learning to see God in new ways.  We are both on an adventure.

milestone

The Weiss family has hit a milestone today and it has nothing to do with Valentine's Day.  Today marks the day that Joshua has been with us longer than all his other caregivers combined.  This is huge for us, we fight so hard to gain his trust and now we have time working in our favor.  I can't come up with words to express how I feel, so here are some pictures over the last 5 months.

Gotcha Day in Ethiopia -  We shared a last name but not much more.

Taking a nap in the Atlanta airport.

Hanging out in the carrier.  

6 months old 

I can stand holding on to anything...this garbage can is awesome!  7.5 months old 

Just making a mess...good thing mom has not made me start cleaning up after myself.

I can stand anywhere - 10 months old

We are incredibly blessed this little guy is our son!

sleeping update

If you know anything about our adoption journey with the little guy you know that sleep has been a major struggle. I have tried hard to not complain but have definitely failed.  Sleep struggles can be normal for adopted children, they don't know how to process everything that has happened and it just comes out in their sleep. But then you have to face another question: what sleep struggles are adoption related and what is normal baby struggles?


Attachment parenting, what you do with adopted children, has very strong opinions on how to handle sleep problems. You are suppose to rock your child to sleep for 6-12 months to help with the attachment process. I understand the reasons why but Leland and I had to face the difficult question, is this best for our family? Can we keep waking up 5-12 times a night to put him back to sleep? Can we love each other and him well if we keep not sleeping? What is best for the family?


I am so grateful for the Holy Spirit who is our Counselor. I was praying through these things and I felt like God said it was okay to start sleep training.  We came up with a plan and started to prepare him for the process.  Within the first day, we realized that our plan to help him was not actually helping him achieve the goal of falling asleep, so we axed our plan.  We came up with a new plan and stuck with it.  It was incredibly difficult for me but I knew it was best for the family...I knew that God would meet us in the process.


It was hard to listen to him cry as he learned to fall asleep on his own.  It was hard to know that he had needs but I needed to let him learn how to sooth himself.  It was hard to know that the best long term decision was not easy in the short term.  


It was amazing to see how God worked and answered prayers.  The first night, the same child that would wake up 5-12 times, woke up once.  Within 4 days, he was sleeping through the night.  Within one week, we could see that our completely sleep deprived boy (pre sleep training) has been transformed to a well rested baby.  He was happier and had an easier time engaging the world around him.  He is actually showing better attachment than before.  It was what he needed!  


I know that adoptive mothers all over would looking down upon our decision but I know it was the right decision for our son.  I am so grateful for the freedom to listen to the Holy Spirit and do what is best for our son.  Within the first month of being in the states, God told me that I don’t have to be the perfect adopted mother, I need to be HIS mother.  

the front lines

When you adopt internationally, your life is investigated, you discuss your plans with social workers, you take classes, and read books...but nothing prepares you for what is ahead. I am realizing that adoption can feel a little bit like the trenches, you are fighting on the front lines for this child. The long term is beautiful but at times it can be incredibly difficult and truly feel like a war zone.

I think it really is a battle for the child.

When the parents become the final caregiver, why should the child trust that you are actually different? Why should they trust that you won't leave like other people or caregivers have? Why should they entrust their heart to you? It does not matter the age of the child, they are cautious, sad, confused, and hesitant.

The battle for the child's trust begins. Each child is different. Each families experience looks different. Some battles are primarily at night; the child struggles sleeping and continually needs attention. Others have children that sleep away the nights but the daytimes are nightmares. The child openly rejects a parent or violently acts out towards parents.

As parents you are always concerned if they are attaching. Some of the simple parenting decisions turn into a very complex and emotional decision. You so desperately desire for your child to be doing well and for God to heal their heart. Some adopted children have experienced more loss and trauma than most adults, and no universal tools for how to work through it.

This battlefield for the child is hard and the home is the front line.

Unfortunately for some adoptive families, this is not the only battle field. A lot of family and friends don't understand what is happening because parents are making abnormal decisions, so this can become a secondary challenge.

I encourage you to pray for and love on families that are adopting in whatever way possible. Ask them what they might need, they are engaging on a front line battle for the child and it lasts a lot longer than you think. Cook for them. Go grocery shopping for them. Be creative in finding ways to meet their needs. They have prayed more than you can imagine. They have cried more than you know. This battle lasts longer than anyone imagines.

I just wanted to share a perspective on adoption, this has not all been our personal experience but we have been definitely engaging in a battle for our son's heart, trust, and attachment. He has experienced wounds that only God can heal. The hand of God has been upon his life since he was in his birthmothers womb, but he has also experienced great loss as well. His story is a beautiful one of redemption.

Adoption truly is a redemption story, but like all good stories it has its ups and downs.