home 2+ months

We are definitely long overdue for a blog update but it has been a challenging one to write.  We have had many joys over the last two months as a family but have also faced many challenges.  Through the adoption process I have often felt that people only want to hear the happy parts, so we choose to edit what information we give people.  Life has challenges and too often we are scared to be honest with them.

The past two months have been a unique combination of the little guy flourishing as well as having epic sleeping problems.  We have learned that if the baby is not sleeping, no one is really that happy.  When the sleeping challenges began we did not know if it was normal baby problems x10 or reflective of his grief and developing attachment.  So we did all the right attachment things to try to help him sleep.

For two weeks he took all of his naps on me in the carrier...just trying to help him feel secure so he can sleep better.  As the time progressed, I realized he was sleeping worse.  His naps were more restless and the nights kept getting worse.  Jesus used a conversation with a friend and a hot shower (amazing bonus for moms) to speak a powerful word to me.  I realized that I did not need to be the perfect adoption mother, I just needed to be his mother.  So if the standard attachment solutions to his problems weren't working, I should try something different.  Naps in the carrier went away and there was much rejoicing by everyone.

We still have a son who had epic sleep problems but we are at least now trying to figure out what helps him...not what 'standard' right answer is the magic bullet solution.  Around this time, our family had another monkey wrench thrown into the mix as I re-injured my tennis elbow.  Over two years ago, I got a severe case of tennis elbow in both arms and then it came back.  The last time this happened, we had to make some dramatic changes including a new car for me to drive.  Now with it back, it can basically hurt to do anything.

This meant that Leland became the primary caregiver during the evening hours because my arms could not handle the squirming boy (he really, really fought sleep).  When you add an injury on top of a child that would wake up anywhere between 7-14 times a night...one could say that things were challenging in our home.  I have never cried so much in my life.  I have also never been so dependent upon Jesus.

Leland and I came to the realization quickly that we can't make the little guy sleep.  Often times when a child his age would have sleep problems, the only recommendation would be to simply let them cry it out...we knew that we could not do that.  So Jesus became our only answer.  This meant there were nights that Leland was taking care of him and I was on my knees praying.

I would love to say that we are in the clear and the little guy is sleeping through the night...but that is not the case.  We have seen God do significant miracles in the last 3 weeks, unfortunately when I share them people don't seem to be too impressed.  I guess you have to walk through the dark nights, to see the significant work He is doing.

For now we rejoice with a little guy:

• who can go down for a nap without a bottle
• can sleep at times in 3-4 hour chunks
• who Jesus has been able to help him transition sleep cycles ... yes there were nights he woke up almost every transition
• whose periods of awake restlessness are decreasing ... it has been a little while since Leland has spent 2 hours fighting him back to sleep
• whose naps normally lasting longer

This may not seem significant to you....and we definitely have a long way to go...but we are rejoicing in the victory Jesus is taking.  I am rejoicing in a marriage that has gotten stronger through the obstacles.  I am rejoicing that God answers prayers and does not leave us alone.

Sorry it has taken so long for us to give any update...we just felt that people did not really want to hear the unhappy parts of adoption.  Sometimes it seems like people just want to see the end of the movie, instead of the whole thing.  I am incredibly grateful for the ability to participate in the entire movie, it just means that there are seasons that are incredibly challenging as well as joyful.

I said earlier that little guy was flourishing and it is true.  It is amazing to see the difference a family can make.

This picture is his Gotcha Day in Ethiopia, he just turned 5 months old.

This is the first week in the states.  Right after this picture was taken, he rolled over from his tummy to back.  That evening he rolled from his back to tummy.

Once he learned crawling position, he quickly learned to move backwards.  It took a couple of weeks to master moving forwards.  He is off and running now.

Sitting and proud.

He can now pull himself up to a stand on almost anything.

Another thing he will do now is crawl to us and ask to be picked up.  It is amazing to watch him want and ask for attention.

We have seen victory as well as many challenges over the past few months.  We are incredibly grateful for a God that cares enough to answer prayers and looks after us all.

The Plans I Have for You

In life things can change so quickly.  Our plans can change course by a simple phone call or appointment.  Last week, our plans for September quickly started to change after a phone call.

We found out that the birth family appointment at the Embassy got moved up almost three weeks.  It is unheard of to have an Embassy appointment moved up, so it took me a while to process what was happening.  We are in the busy season of college ministry, so I was not expecting this surprise at all.  Our original Embassy appointment guaranteed we would be in the country for welcome week and the first two weeks of the school year.  Through one phone call, we learned we could be leaving the country before school even starts.  Needless to say, last week was insane preparing both for a potential trip as well as the Chi Alpha events with me potentially being gone.

Now, we are in the waiting stage of the adoption that at any time, we can learn that we are leaving the country quickly to bring the little guy to the states.  Generally the birth family interview is the last component before the Embassy clears adopting families for travel.  You never know how long it will take the Embassy to clear you...so we are just waiting.

I think this stage could be one of the hardest stages of the adoption for me.  The complete unpredictability is challenging.  I just want to have a little control and be able to plan and prepare for our trip.  I want to help the student staff know what to expect.  I want to let the guest speakers for the ministry know the dates I need their help.  I want to understand what is happening around me.

In the midst of the unknown, I have to place my trust in the unchanging God.  We have to know that God knows what is best and is orchestrating a plan where He will be glorified.

The other challenging part of this stage is that we are so close but yet so far away.  It is a season that I feel should be full of joy, everyone around us is so excited.  We have joy but we also have pain.  There is such a desire to be a family but yet it is not here.  We long to be with the little guy but yet, it is still not the time.

Yesterday, while I was praying through this feeling of longing, all the while knowing it is not yet time, I had a realization.  I thought about how God feels when people are close to putting their trust in Him and entering a relationship but still have obstacles in the way.  I just started to cry thinking about the pain that God feels when people are not with Him yet...the longing He has.  The desire God has to be family with us, since the Bible expresses that people in relationship with God are adopted by God.

I want this stage to end quickly.  I want Embassy approval for travel.  But I also want to gain a greater understanding of God's heart.  I don't want to wish a season away just because I don't want to experience the pain...especially if that pain can help me know God better.

So for now we wait.  We don't know how long we will be waiting but our hearts must rest because God is truly in control while we wait.

1st Trip to Ethiopia

We have been back in Ruston for over a week and we have so many mixed emotions.  They say that adoption is an emotional roller coaster but nothing prepares you for it.  I have never felt so much joy and tragedy through the same experience. 

In life, sometimes we don't like to see the pain.  We like to forget the tragedy involved with life.  We choose to shelter ourselves from the pain.  We just like to be happy.  I haven't updated our blog for a while because of this - I did not know how to write an update without also including the challenges involved with adoption.

We had a great trip to Ethiopia, it is a beautiful country with amazing people.  Our time with the little guy was great, we love him dearly.  We spent a lot of time with him.  Holding him.  Feeding him.  Bathed him.  Putting him to sleep.  Everything you do with a baby.

The time at Hannah's Hope was awesome, it was impressive to see the love poured out on the children.  It did not matter what job title someone had at Hannah's Hope, you could see anyone changing diapers and happily holding a baby.  Whenever we spent time with someone, I asked them what is their favorite part of they job, everyone said the kids.  It did not matter if they were the person who drove us around town or processed paperwork...everyone who worked at Hannah's Hope loved the children.  The love poured out on children made it a lot easier when we had to get on a plane and leave our son in Ethiopia. 

There is so much joy in adoption but there is also so much tragedy.  We like to ignore the pain but when we were in Ethiopia, it was hard not to recognize both sides of the story.  The date we passed court, there was also a birth family driving with us to approve the other side of an adoption.  I did not know what emotion to feel when we drove to court...should I feel the joy about potentially getting court approval?  Or should I feel sadness for how a birth family can feel?

Nothing can prepare you for the mixed emotions:  nothing prepares you for the pain and nothing prepares you for the joy.

It is sometimes hard to reconcile these things with our new son, whom we love dearly and recognize as a good gift from God.  He is beautiful and amazing but has also experienced tragedy because there is brokenness in the world.  We just know one story and their are 4.3 million orphans in Ethiopia.  In many ways this experience solidifies our conviction invest long term in orphan care.

We had a great trip and were so grateful for the opportunity.  It was great to see the city, taste the food, and learn about the culture.  We are the most grateful that met our beautiful son.  God blessed us with a smooth trip and court approval in country.  With all the ups and downs of adoption, I am grateful for every part of it.  I would not want to take any part out of the experience.

Latest adoption news

A little over a week ago we got a phone call about the adoption that quickly changed things.  After waiting 21 months, we got a referral for a 3-month-old boy!   We spent some time praying through the referral and decided to move forward.  Then we quickly went through the paperwork, so the case can move forward in Ethiopia.  Please be in prayer that the case will move through the courts before they close for the rainy season.  We don’t have much time before they close, so it would be great if God performed the miracle.

We also started to prepare things in Louisiana for him to come home.  When adopting, it is hard to know what you are going to need until you know the age of the child.  We are also raising money to help pay for the travel expenses, so we have sent letters to family and friends.  I am excited to see how God provides for all the needs.

Sometimes, the process can be a little overwhelming but God reminded me that He is more than able to take care of all the needs.  He is trustworthy and in control.  I am so grateful for the continual reminder in Scripture of God’s desire to defend the fatherless.  It is nice to know that God is taking care of him and protecting him through the process.

Please be in prayer for our family in the midst of this transition.  Pray for God to protect and keep the little guy safe and healthy.  Pray for a quick process through the courts and for God to provide for every need.

a number

It is the beginning of a new month and we got new numbers for the adoption.  We are currently 5 on the boy list and 12 on the girl list.  It is exciting to have the numbers change but it really doesn't provide a great deal of definition.

Numbers usually provide concrete understanding of the value of something.  They give clarity.  They are exact.  So as our wait list number gets smaller, people expect us to have a better understanding of our timeline.  It is a natural assumption based on how our society interacts with numbers but a smaller number still gives us no idea of how long we will be waiting.

The adoption is moving on God's timeline.  We have wants and dreams for it but ultimately we are not in control.  We are on God's timeline, so numbers are not that meaningful.  I don't really understand what God is up to in the process. I don't understand why we have been waiting for a referral for 19 months and it was suppose to be 6-9 months when we started.  I don't understand why it appears that adoption will not be completed this summer, my definition of the perfect time.  I don't really understand...

The one thing I do understand is that God is trustworthy.  He has never made a mistake in my life before.  His timing has always been perfect before.  Waiting in the past has always been worth it.  He is able to see so much more than I am able.  So I am able to trust that God is in the middle of orchestrating a mighty miracle.  God is preparing everyone for the adoption.  God has a plan for the child.  God has a plan for us.  God is working on amiracle.

The numbers are nice to get once a month but it is even better to know that I don't have to trust in the numbers.  The wait list numbers really are meaningless.  We are grateful that we can trust in God, who is more than able.

"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows."  James 1:17

two sides of a story

So often in life we are only able to see one side of a story.  It is generally the side we are experiencing or the one the people closest to us are walking through.  Lately I have been reminded that there are always two sides of a story.

When it comes to the adoption, you hear our side of the story.  It is the one we know, so we can share our experience.  Right now, I feel that it is important to remember that there is another side of this adoption story. 

There is a family in Ethiopia that is facing incredibly challenging situations.  I can only guess what they are experiencing as they are contemplating adoption.  It means this child will leave their homeland, their culture, their language, and their family…is it worth the cost?  Do the benefits out way our cost?  These are hard questions.   

There is no way for us to understand how God is moving in Ethiopia to arrange the adoption.  One thing I know is that God has placed a burden on my heart to pray for the birth family.  I want so badly for them to understand the love of Christ and experience His Peace in the midst of the circumstances.  I probably won’t ever understand what it feels like to have their side of this adoption story…but I know God intimately wants to pour out His love on them in the midst of these circumstances. 

I know this blog is not about the warm fuzzy feelings we like to have about adoption.  I have been reminded that God can use challenging situations and make beauty out of ashes.  That is the true beauty of adoption; whether it is our adoption by God to be His sons or daughters … or this adoption story.

I ask you to pray for both sides of our adoption story.  The side in Ethiopia does not have a public voice, but they have needs that only the living God can meet.

numbers

While we have been on the wait list you have to find things to celebrate.  Lets be honest, waiting is not very fun.  Who likes to wait in line at the grocery store? 

So I create small goals to celebrate.  I always have been excited anytime the number in the tens column goes down by one.  When we were 85, I looked forward to being in the 70s.  For a long time we have been in the teens and we have been looking forward to having a number that is a single digit.

It happened. 

This month we found out that we are 8 on the boy list and 16 on the girl list.  We still have no idea how long we will continue to wait for a referral (to answer the first question most people have).  For now, we are celebrating being in the single digits and trusting that God has a plan. 

perspective change

Over the past two months waiting on the adoption has been getting harder.  Currently we are 11 on the boys wait list and 18 on the girls wait list, we have not seen much movement in the past several of months.  I intellectually understand that there are a lot of reasons it feels harder but it does not make it easier.  Some of it has to do with my hopes that it would be finalized over the summer, and now that is looking more like a hail mary pass than a potential reality. It is also hard when you realize that your current situation is so different than the expectations we had when we began. We started with the expected wait time for a referral to be 6-9 months, currently we are on our 17th month waiting.  There have been a lot of changes in Ethiopia since we started, so I understand why it is slower but it can still be hard.

A couple of weeks ago, I decided I need to have a different understanding of time.  My perspective of time revolves around my human understanding and experience.  God operates on an eternal understandings of time.  The bible says, "With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day."  God has a different perspective and I want to understand His better.

I really do believe God is in control.  I know that He cares about our emotions through this process.  I also believe that He has a different perspective.  He is working out a lot more details in this process than I will ever understand.  I don't know what He is doing in Ethiopia to prepare the adoption.  I don't know what God is doing in Ruston with Leland's career or with Chi Alpha to help prepare our transition.  I don't know what God is doing inside of us, to prepare us to be parents.  God's plans are much larger than mine...so I am sure He is working all the circumstances to His plans.

creating space

Not much has changed with the adoption in the past couple of months, we are still waiting on the list. Leland keeps telling me we are getting close but it still feels like a distant future.

Lately, Leland and I have been cleaning out the house. One of our bedrooms, we call the room of boxes. It has been full of different boxes since we moved to Louisiana three and a half years ago. We have always know that the room of boxes will eventually become a baby room.

The past six months Leland has been working on moving things into his office/train room. On January 2nd, we decided to attack the problem together. I knew that we could not remove the things from the room of boxes without getting rid of things in other parts of the house. So I attacked the guest bedroom closet.

While I was working in the guest bedroom I had an interesting thought I wanted to share. I was thinking about how we are working to prepare a space for a child we have never met. We don't know their name, gender, or even their age when they will come to the states. But we are very willing and excited to create space in our house for them. It will be their home.

Then I started to think about Jesus when he said, "Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. My Father's house has plenty of room; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going." John 14:1-4

Jesus left Earth, preparing a place for us at His Father's house and will come back for us. I have thought about this before but as I am cleaning out my own house I could not help thinking about it again. I could not help but think about how Jesus is making a perfect place for us with Him. I don't know what it looks like but I can only imagine. He is making preparations for us in our new forever home.

As Leland and I are preparing for our child to be a part of our family, I could not help but feel I was getting a glimpse of God's heart in the process.